Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
