I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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