Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
