shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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