eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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