remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
