I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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