i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
