Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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