Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
