someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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