That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
