pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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