I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
