idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
