so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
