why didn't you poke me back
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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