I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
