If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
