I puked a lego.
im holly from the hills drunk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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