dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
