I wish I only lived at night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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