That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So. Much. Porn.
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