: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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