Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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