Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize