11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
