They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
