Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
