but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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