tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
