Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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