....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
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You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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