I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
