My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
