I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize