woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
