thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
my liver is dry heaving
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
