my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
