she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
