hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
