You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
