dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
