so explain again why im purple
no
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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