Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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