you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
