Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
