half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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