how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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