stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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