you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You took a bar mat shot.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
