Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
