I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
