I will die if light touches me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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