dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
