I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize