I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
