Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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