I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
