Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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