It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
