Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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