Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
