The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
