I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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