the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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