do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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