can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This toilet bowl is my home.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
