Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
babies were throwing up all over the place
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize