u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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