New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
