You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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