Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's great music for shaving your balls
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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