shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize