i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
COCAINE IS GR8
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
